To love is to live...

On April 21st I received a phone call early morning that completely changed my life. My grandfather, whom I loved very very much passed away. I know that no one is ever really ready for this type of call, but I truly never believed that I would hear those words from my mom that day.

Yes, we knew that he was sick, but never once did we imagine that he would pass away so quickly. The doctors always held out hope and thankfully so did HE. He was in the hospital for just a few routine treatments to his kidneys and his heart just gave out. I thank GOD for granting his last wish, that he die a peaceful death and that he took him in his sleep. It is a comfort to know that he did not suffer.

There was no time to stop and give in to the pain that I was feeling, for plans needed to be made for us to attend the funeral. Having my grandparents living in Portugal has always been hard, but more so now because it would take us another 24 hours before reaching my grandmother. All I could think is that she needs us, and I couldn’t help but curse the fact that I couldn’t just hop in my car and be with her faster.

Thankfully my dad come to the rescue and really helped us finalize all details for our flight. My mom, brother and I left that day with heavy hearts for we were on our way to say goodbye to our grandfather and at the same time leaving our families behind. We did not want the children to make the trip and see their great grandfather in the coffin. Let them remember the funny, joking man that they spend 2 weeks with last summer.

I have never remembered such a long flight in my life – those 6 ½ hours seemed like they doubled. But thankfully we made it there ok!

It was so hard for me knowing that we would only have a few hours to say goodbye to him prior to the funeral. Everything was set and well in Portugal the funerals are either the same day or next day, so we didn’t have the time that we wanted, but at least we had some.

The next five days there passed by so quickly and really in a blur. I held back my grief and tried to help both my grandmother and mother. My poor grandma, after 65 years of being with him she now finds herself without her partner, her companion, the love of her life.

I am now trying to deal with the fact that he is gone and that I will never hear his voice again. I know that he is in a better place and that GOD knows what he is doing. I try not to ask the “WHY?” because I know that we have to trust in him, but it’s so hard. I pray now that he will help us all deal with our grief and that he gives my grandmother the strength to pull through. She is now alone which makes me so sad!!!!